the funk

so, i've got the post-two month funk. it's not bad, but i just conquered my first sickness and am in that permanent state of friedness. aforementioned state emerges when you are forced to do the same thing over and over again, with less than stellar results.

Alcohol

Moldovans pride themselves on their wine, which is excellent, especially the 'vin de casa' ... you when you are (literally) forced to drink almost every other day it takes its toll on you. And when there is nothing to do you inevitably turn to drink, since it's a good way to kill a boring situation.

Now, in relative terms my intake is much less than any binge drinker of American campuses, but let's face it: i ain't getting any younger, and drinking was always one of my least favorite activities.

Boredom

After two months Chisinau is a bit boring. Which is a good thing ... since it forces me out into the "real" Moldova, ie the village and the PMR. I have two more trips, one to Transylvania (Cluj) and a few days in Tiraspol. Should be fun, if i make it alive (hah! i put that one in for you, mom. NB: yes my mom and pop read this)...

Love of America

Now, anyone who knows me personally knows that i lust to talk trash on America and what it stands for.

But there are some things i miss...

...i relish the day when i can use the bathroom and there is a 99% chance that the toilet will have a seat and/or toilet paper nearby.

...i relish the day when the dry dust of chisinau leaves the sloppy confines of my nostrils, eyes, and feet

...i relish the day when i can find a decent burger and/or fried chicken. that's the chicago speaking...

...eating non-fried food

...nightlife that doesn't involve discos

...life music. period.

That said, here's a list of the things i'll miss...

...tomatos. they are just amazing here

...all fresh fruit. apricots, peaches, apples, cherries, strawberries, raspberries, etc. prviklasnaya

...the people. amazing hosts, amazing wine, etc.

...the trolleybuses. you gotta see them to believe it...

...marshutkas/maxi-taxis ... nothing like staring death in the face while pressed up against a demographic slice of the city. if there's less than 15 in one, you're not living

...terraces - simple great, but tomato sauce is not ketchup

...mayonnaise. may be better than butter.... will have to get back on you when i check my cholesterol

but the funk has set it, hopefully it shall disappear like the specter of the soviet union. oh, wait ... i forgot...

the village

Saturday and Sunday I will be going to 'the village' with the family that I live with. All people i know who in Moldova, both foreigners and westerners, describe this as the quintessentially Moldovan experience.

There is nothing to do in the village except eat fresh fruits and vegetables from the garden, relax, use the non-existent toilet, and drink well water. Thankfully I am recovering from a bit of a fever so I'll be able to NOT drink and drink my own water.

But I am looking forward to this as well as to getting out of the city, even if I will be a stinky mess. It's all about being local.

Also, I had the opportunity to see Zdob si Zdub in concert last night. Let me say, these guys play some of the most original music I've heard in ages. Kind of like if the Beastie Boys were folk musicians and had 5 sisters singing backup folk melodies.

Do download some of their stuff if you're curious, it's worth a whirl.

bribes are not that bad...

So i've gotten in the habit of paying bribes. Mostly small ones, to save paperwork.

Bribe #1: On the Transnistrian Border, from the PMR to Ukraine.
Reason: to not miss the bus and lose my luggage

Rating on the bribe scale (1-10): 7 (mild severity, significant lose of passport and/or material goods)

Welcome to post-Soviet Europe, Mike!

The drama was high, not 'thought i'd die' or anything but 'thought i'd shit my pants because i as looking at 4 guys with ak-47s in a room without windows and a black book on a small table and a lightbulb hanging there and my poor little blue passport staring at me sadly across the room.'

THE SETTING: Going to Transnistria is like going to the soviet union. Guys with big military hats, lots of guns, etc. If you're a westerner, you're marked from the beginning. If you speak russian and are a westerner, you're not that bad, but still questionable.

Everytime i cross the border it's a mini-interrogation: Why are you here, how much money do you have, what do you do, etc. I usually say that i'm a tourist, i love Russia and the USSR (i use this russian phrase that means the greatest/best and insert nouns like: people, food, girls, language, way of life, etc.).

That usually gets them laughing, then they usually let me go, but this one guy totally pulled the waiting game ... so on the bus to Odessa i was the only non-moldovan/ukrainian, so as soon as they see my passport (this is on the border to Ukraine, i'd already purchased my trasnit visa ... which is a mere slip of paper)

They take me into this windowless room and 4 dudes with AK-47s tell me i've not registered with the police in moldova and that i need a customs stamp, which i can get 200 km away. I point to the multiple entry visa, the multiple entries to Moldova, and the fact that I am here now and not rotting in some jail in Chisinau as proof that I'm legit. As for the customs stamp, I tell him i'm not an importer, and that i found it a bit amusing for a Transnistrian security officer to be a stickler for Moldovan customs rules, since this, in his eyes, isn't Moldova. i know the rules are totally bullshit, and i tell them that.

As the bus moved from the clearance zone down the street, the question was not 'let's get this settled' but becomes a king of game show: How much would you pay to get out of this situation?

The negotiating continue. 20 minutes. They finger my passport, knowing full well that i'll do anything to have it back. i see the bus pulling away, and the driver is honking, in essence saying "get on or your shit is going to odessa without you"

At this point I committ the cardinal sin of bribery: i mention money. I suggest there might be a fine to pay, and their greedy eyes light up: their first suggestio was an exorbitant $200.

i counter with $10.

they go to $100.

i say $10.

they say $50.

i say $15.

we get it down to $20, and i say to them in English:

'you guys are greedy bastards' and he's like "what does this greedy bastard mean?"

i say in russian "it's all about money" and they all start laughing, offer me a cigarette and say

"mike, like American, right?"

i couldn't argue with that...

on the way back, i refused to mention money and instead told about the wonders i witnessed in the PMR last week:

but the key to not paying bribes is to never say anything about money,
raise your voice often, and make them laugh. on the way back the guy
was offering me vodka b/c i trashed moldova, saying in essence that
the roads, the people, and even the football team are much better
there....

ME: Pridnestrovie.....samaya horoxaya stana mira ... eta pravda? [Transnistria ... the best country in the world, eh?]

Border guard: Koneschna! [of course]

Bribe #2: Failing to fully stop at the stop sign (behind a tree 10 meters in front of the real, legitimate stop sign on the border)

Rating on the bribe scale (1-10): 1 (little chance of bodily harm, in essence a fine that will most likely enable a guy who gets paid very little to get drunk)

So this time it was the Moldovan cops who were greedy. I didn't do the negotiating, as we had a real Moldovan with us, Daria. It was either 50 lei (4 bucks) there or we go to the bank in town to get a receipt.

Since we were in a rented car on limited time, I just paid up.

future blog entries...

I'm a bit behind, as i didn't waste my time on the internet in Odessa.

Look for future entries on:

Odessa
Ukraine
Bribes
Travel in the PMR
Moldovan wineries
and Why Lonely Planet sucks...but I still use them

Life in the good old USSR: Pridnestovie....

So, I woke up this morning thinking I was going to Comrat, in Gaugauzia (Moldova's nominally Turkish autonomous region) but we ended up (my and two Norwegian brothers, Guttorm and Gustav) driving the the PMR, or the Pridnestrovskaia Moldavskaia Respublica.

I'm not going to lie: it was a bit funny and scary going there - a true no man's land - as we drove by the ever-so militarized internal Moldovan border past the Nistru. There were two tanks at each end of the bridge, covered in camo netting. very rambo, i dare say.

At the "border" i was expecting a Kafkaesque experience, as the soldier eyes lit up when they say the maroon Norwegian passports and the navy blue US one. I quickly barked out some crap in Russian, saying in essence 'where do you get a visa, and how much is it?'

The guy cracked a smile, and said in English: How much money you have? and started making gestures with his hands, starting small and getting larger. i pulled out a major sob story...

I told him we're students, we're poor, and that these guys are from Norway (he knew nothing about it), and said that we're simply going to Transnistria to 'go to the vineyards.' He takes our passports, and we're led into this quasi-interrogation chamber where a 'transnistrian security services' officer interrogated us. Evidently, Dubasari is famous for its vineyards, which we couldn't find, as he seemed to have no problem letting us by. i said a few lines about how i wanted to see what it's like there, to get beyond the propaganda, and we had to pay 23 lei (less than two bucks) for three day passes. yes folks, it's only about 60 cents to visit the Soviet Union.

Dubasari was surprisingly cool, and we found a nice cafe covered with grapevines that was located above an automotive repair shop of some kind. Went on to Rybnitsa, checked out the huge statue of Lenin (so nice, it's a shame those have disappeared from most of Eastern Europe: good or bad, it was a reality, and having the authentic statue is much better than selling overpriced images of it to tourists.

but anyways, rybnitsa was cool, even if the soviet wwII memorial's eternal flame wasn't eternal (what happened to all that free gas guys???)

people were nice, there was no problems, and a little russian goes a long way. i'd like to thank raissa, slava, and viktoria from the cornell russian department for giving me to the tools to not have to pay an exorbitant bribe to visit the PMR.

the irony was that we got extorted by moldovans when we were trying to leave. and the guards on both sides of the border asked me what an immigrant can earn hourly in America. i said at least $10 an hour cutting grass for Purdy Landscaping, Inc.

highlights include: making a wrong turn and ending up in Ukraine; eating apricots that were the size of peaches; paying for a meal with moldovan money and receiving transnistrian rubles in return (nash dengi); being asked by old ladies how we americans like "our city" (i said it was great, which it was ... much more consumer goods there); and getting lots of cheap homemade wine that hopefully won't make me blind.

in these parts, a little russian goes a long way...

Chisinau, Chisinau, Chisinau

I live in Chisinau. While it's the capital of Moldova, it lacks many of the amenities that any capital city should have. Which is not to say that it's not great, just that it's more like ... well, if a place like Cleveland or Pittsburgh were the capital of a country.

The first major thing it lacks is a decent, non-disco/dance/whatever music venue. There used to be two decent clubs, so i've heard: the Black Elephant and Yellow Submarine. Now, i'm forced to go see really bad 'free jazz' acts in a boarded up fast food resaurant (seriously). It reminds me of my youth, when i used to go to punk shows in basements in north Oakland (not Cali, my friends ... Pittsburgh) and to random firehalls. I always found it funny how punks would rent out various halls from the VFW, Knights of Columbus, etc. ... decidedly un-punk. But i digress...

SO, Chisinau is all about outdoor cafes and discos. Any night of the week the flesh will be on full display at any of the 4 or 5 discos. I prefer 'Military Club' for the simple reason that for me there is no 'feis control.' Perhaps i exude that oh so pragmatic yet stobbishness that only foreigners do. All i know is that while they kick out drunk moldovans in turkish suits, they welcome chumps like me in flip flops, camo shorts, and faded t-shirts that are decidedly unfashionable nor ironic.

Military has a converted tank (it's now a fancy table which you can rent for about $10); they also play the soviet anthem every night, as every club in the former USSR should. Yet they still play the same crappy music that is on the radio, mostly bad pop and cheezy dance remixes of anything and everything.

My dancing style is that of a drunken master: without style but with an urgent flair. Needless to say it hasn't won me many accolades, but merely stares and grunts.

Back to Chisinau... so, I spend my days at the French cafe reading/studying, at the internet cafe surfing, spend the evenings in the park or conversing, etc.

maybe the next entry will be about research. I wouldn't want to bore you...

Bomb blast in Transnistria

From the Kyiv Post (6.7.2006)

Eight people killed, 46 injured in bus blast in separatist Transdniester

CHISINAU, Moldova (AP) - An explosion ripped apart a small civilian bus in the Moldovan separatist republic of Trans-Dniester early Thursday, killing eight people and injuring 46, the republic's official Olvia Pres news agency said.

The cause of the explosion was not immediately clear. But a separatist official suggested that a passenger linked to criminal groups might have been carrying a bomb that went off accidentally, according to Russian news agency RIA Novosti.

The Moldovan government has accused the separatists of trafficking weapons, a charge they have denied. Transdniester officials do not deny they have small criminal groups, but they reject claims that authorities are involved in smuggling.

Thursday's blast, at a traffic light in the Transdniester capital Tiraspol, blew off the roof and sides of the bus, which carried 12 passengers. Eight were killed and four badly injured, the private news agency Lenta PNR said. The roof was blown 100 meters (yards) in the explosion, Lenta PNR said.

Most of the injured were passers-by, and 10 were passengers on another bus hit by the impact of the blast, Lenta PNR said, citing Interior Ministry investigators. The windows of that bus were blown out.

More than half the injured were seriously hurt, Olvia quoted Tiraspol prosecutor Ivan Lesukov as saying.

Oleg Beleakov, the separatists' deputy interior minister, was quoted as telling RIA Novosti that a passenger might have been carrying a bomb meant for a commando killing between criminal business groups, and it might have exploded accidentally on the bus.

Moldovan authorities have offered their help in the investigation, the separatist Interior Ministry spokeswoman Ala Meleca said. Moldova has had tense relations with Trans-Dniester since the separatists broke away in 1992 with Russian support, after a war that left more than 1,500 people dead.

An uneasy peace has dominated the region since then, and there have not been outbreaks of violence. The province, which borders Ukraine, is not recognized internationally.

Moldova's relations also have soured with Russia, which keeps about 1,500 troops in the region to guard large stockpiles of weapons and ammunition left over from the Soviet Army presence.

Among the injured in Thursday's blast were two Russian peacekeepers, one on each bus, Beleakov was quoted as saying.

The European Union and the Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe have said they were concerned that the Transdniester border was a conduit for illegal goods, drugs, stolen cars and illegal immigrants making their way into Ukraine and, in some cases, on to the EU.

There have been isolated incidents involving weapons in Transdniester, but nothing as serious as an explosion like the blast in Tiraspol on Thursday.

In April, two women were detained for selling Russian grenades at the market in Tiraspol. The following month, a man was detained for transporting grenades and other weapons in a truck. On June 24, a grenade exploded, killing a 28-year-old man. Authorities said it was probably suicide.

Russia, the West, and Moldova

faithful readers...

i apologize for the lack of posts. i shall shortly be heading to the PMR (prinestrovskaya moldavskaya respubliika), which should be an adventure. I have a few contacts who work at sheriff, a huge company that controls most of transnistria's consumer goods sector and oil imports.

i also have a few "journalist" contacts who offer their services to foreigners. the NGO scene in chisinau is weird. most instinctively dismiss the soviet period and its institutions wholeheartedly. i can't tell if this is just a reflex, to say to a foreign scholar what he thinks he should hear/wants to/what they need to say to secure their funding. all i can say is this: if they think NATO, the EU, and free markets will solve all problems, they've got another thing coming...

liberal economic policies have stripped this country bare, and with all of the infrastructure oriented toward the west, it's just aching to be "used" by both russia and the "west" in an economic/strategy/political battle.

when you've got an American VP trying to start another cold war, on the edge in Moldova words have consequences.

Stephen Cohen has a great article on America's failure to engage Russia on the terms that the post-Soviet situation demands...

For another intelligent take, check out Mark Ames from the eXile...
"50 Reasons Why Russia Still Matters" is still one of my all time favorites

More importantly, "How Dick Cheney Got His Cold War On" hits the nail on the head. Or, if you live in Chisinau, hits the pothole filled with garbage right on the rim...

another entry soon - i'm going to the Soviet memorials in Chisinau this afternoon